Anxiety

Returning to Jesus in the age of anxiety

You may not see it when you're in the middle of it, but events in life that are very stressful and hurtful do damage to a person's emotional, spiritual, mental and physical well-being. When those stressful and hurtful events are reoccurring long term, that damage is more severe. It takes a toll. Eventually the damage that those events bring starts to surface. Perhaps it comes in an inability to retain information as you did before, difficulty focusing, the beginnings of body pains such as stomach ulcers, etc.

If the stress and hurt is severe and reoccurring, it'll come with learned hormonal responses. Adrenaline will flare when new stress and potential hurt surface (even if it's minor) and with it come increased heart rates and blood pressure. Cortisol will surge and narrow functions, focusing on what is necessary for survival. And in all this dance of pain and stress comes anxiety.

"You’ll find me in the cemetery garden where I’ll be roaring back to life."

I walked for many years with significant pain and stress without realizing the growing toll on my mind and body. Eventually after a decade of reoccurring heightened moments of stress and pain, anxiety began to have a significant hold in my life. I have three lessons I learned along the way.

First, I had to be honest about the anxiety. I was afraid to admit that I was struggling and that anxiety was taking hold. We work so hard to hide our shortcomings, hide our vulnerabilities and to present ourselves as put together, even when we're not. It's okay to confess to your loved ones that you're struggling with anxiety. Honesty helps us form a foundation of truthful reality from which we can approach any future change.

The next lesson was harder. Sacrifice. When we're in a dance of stress, hurt, and anxiety, we have to take the steps we must take to distance ourselves from the long term stressors and sources of pain. It may mean getting out of an abusive relationship, quitting a long term job, resigning from a volunteer position, etc. It may have a different look where sacrifice could be finally confessing something you've kept inside even if it will come with consequences, or finally addressing a sin that is wreaking havoc in your life. If the cost of staying in relationships, or jobs, or holding in guilt has taken such a toll, then it's time to sacrifice to get free from it. And you have to be prepared that even as you make that sacrifice, there may still be some years of healing to come as you distance yourself from the stress, hurt and subsequent anxiety.

These other lessons are important, but there's one thing that is necessary for facing anxiety. And without this one thing, the lessons listed above are useless. Jesus is the way to peace. Jesus is the truth that leads us to freedom. Jesus is the light that shines into the darkness of anxiety. Friends, walk with the Lord, always. God is three persons in one. Father, Son and Holy Spirit. Jesus, the son, calls on us to pray to the Father in our anxiety. Jesus intercedes before the Father on our behalf. The Spirit hears the deep emotions of our hearts, our anxiety, our fears, our pains and intercedes in our prayers to turn even the wordless groans into prayers. In my worst moments all I had were the gasps of my heart crying out to God for help. It didn't lead to an immediate decrease in anxiety , but I KNOW He heard, and answered my prayer in a manner that took longer time but led to actual healing, rather than a quick fix.

The greatest need we have is to be set free from our bondage to sin and death. We're all sinners and the consequences of that is separation from God and death. But God is so rich in mercy and love that He made the way for our forgiveness. The Father willed that the Son (Jesus) would come to earth and die to take our wages for our sin. Jesus died on a cross around 2000 years ago as a once and for all sacrifice for our sin, taking away our wages. When we believe in Jesus, we participate in His death. Sin is put to death in us, and we're set free from its captive hold over us. Jesus also rose again from the dead. When we believe in Jesus we also participate in the resurrection and are made into a new creation, no longer bound to sin. Jesus' resurrection also proved His authority as our Savior, and Lord. It showed our coming resurrection when our physical body dies. We are set free from death itself. It no longer has a hold. All that Jesus asks is our belief, and we're united to Him. He has power over death and all fear. In walking with Jesus, we participate in that power. Without Jesus we're condemned to 'be strong enough' to stop being fearful, and we aren't able.

When Jesus has set us completely and utterly free, we are free indeed.

When we walk with Jesus, our greatest needs our met. We have a Savior who loves us, and who left the glories of heaven to come to earth and be killed by His own creation in order to die for us. We have so much worth and value in the eyes of God. He looks on us with amazing grace and wonderful mercy. He is there, rich with forgiveness for us, calling us to be home with Him. People let us down, and will not be perfect in the ways we would want them to be. But Jesus won't let us down. We may feel hurt by others, cast out, and longing for a place to belong. With Jesus we have a place to belong for eternity. When we believe in Jesus, we recieve the Holy Spirit and the Holy Spirit brings about an adoption into God's family. We become children of God, ever to belong and be home. Even if others hurt us, bring stress and pain to us, our relationship with Jesus is the place to be, and from there we find a place to heal.

In my own experience, stress and hurt made my sight become tunnel vision as I focused on my own needs of survival. In bringing healing, Jesus gently helped me reopen my sight to begin to focus again on the world beyond myself. His position as our Lord calls us into something wonderful. It calls us into a life of discipleship, a life of seeking to obey and follow Jesus because we're compelled by His love. This life leads us into loving others, and loving God. If any part of our anxiety was because of our own sin, walking in the way of Jesus brings a renewed freedom to our lives.

Jesus loves you. Cling to Him. Pray. Read Scripture to understand God's words for all of us. Believe in Jesus. Walk in His way. Strive for these things, and when you fall short, strive again. Pray again, cling to Him again. But the most beautiful thing is, while you're doing your part (and even coming up short in your part), He is doing a mighty work in you. His strength is becoming your strength. His power is growing transformation in you. His peace is becoming your peace. The Holy Spirit is renewing you, and guiding you. You are becoming a new creation.

Anxiety will rear its face from time to time. But in Jesus we have a Lord who speaks a more powerful word. Anxiety has nothing compared to the power, the glory, and the peace of our Lord, Jesus Christ.

I've included a poem below that I wrote about anxiety.

Anxiety

The Holy Spirit eyes my heart:

that lead rock full of anxiety.

The density is like slow leaching poison through my veins.

My heart has stifled its roar while this fear remains.

When Jesus has set us completely and utterly free,

we are free indeed.

And we can let,

we can let other people,

let other people be.

Only Jesus can free you from anxiety.

“It was ever only Jesus,”

the multitudes in heaven sing.

There’s a reason the 24 elders are in eternal frenzy,

casting down their golden crowns.

In their worry, it was Jesus they found.

Before the Lamb we all will bow.

The salvation.

The power sustaining all creation.

The unending satisfaction,

who sets your lead heart right and makes your anxiety die.

So I go to the cross.

It’s where I find Jesus amidst a history of loss.

It’s always the cross.

I walk the hill to Calvary,

battered in anxiety.

Heart beating so fast:

a lead weight in my chest cavity.

I have to die to be free.

You have to let people go,

a relentless relinquishing of control.

Free people to make choices that could hurt you.

You have to let go of outcomes too.

Jesus was abandoned,

an excruciating death by slow suffocation,

people stopped loving him.

Oh the risk of letting people be free,

relinquishing control to die on a hewn tree.

I go to the cross and He is present with me.

“You have to die to self to move beyond this anxiety.”

I take the plunge:

death leads to the new freedom we can’t yet see.

Just you wait,

calm will settle in like the dawn

and confidence will be the rays peaking over the eastern horizon.

Anxiety will be gone

and my heart will find its beat slow and strong.

You’ll find me in the cemetery garden

where I’ll be roaring back to life.